A (Corrected) Recap

Let's just say...there was a LOT of this going on last night.

Last night, I had the opportunity to witness the Timberwolves take on the Miami Satans Heat at the Target Center. It was a vomit inducing very entertaining game, despite the final score which resembled a Globetrotters/.

Hundreds of douchebag loyal Miami fans showed up wearing their LeBron and Wade jerseys which were so new they still had the tags on them. Despite the red and black clad fans who clearly enjoy Youtube more than basketball, Timberwolves fans were good natured in their ribbing which mainly consisted of muttered four letter words. The Timberwolves public address announcers had some choice words for the Heat fans as well which unfortunately included zero four letter words, including a bandwagon fan cam featuring fans in Heat jerseys and there were lots of options.

The festivities began as the Heat in a painfully obviously forced attempt to show off their supposed "camaraderie" pretended to allow rookie Dexter Pittman to lead the charge out onto the Minnesota floor while none of his teammates followed behind him, giggling in the tunnels as they pretended to like each other like the great friends they clearly are. Pittman took it well, plotting his revenge like Dexter the serial killer laughing as the rest of his future victims more famous teammates came jogging out onto the floor behind him to a loud roar of applause from the soulless cheering sections of the arena.

The game itself see-sawed back and forth. In the first quarter, Minnesota quit fell behind early, before rallying back in the second quarter to take a one point lead into the break which was as painful a dick tease as I've ever witnessed enough to get the Minneapolis crowd on its feet and roaring. But in the third quarter, Dwyane Wade playing like a cherry picking bitch was the beneficiary of several steals and open court slams, and the Timberwolves quit again were victims of a 25-1 start to the second half. Martell Webster, Minnesota's star of the first half a reeeeeeally bad sign, when he hit 4 of 4 threes possibly the most unsustainable statistic in the history of statistics, was inexplicably on the bench throughout Minnesota's offensive drought, before coming in and igniting a half-hearted run that pushed Minnesota back into the game before Miami hit a few jumpers that put the game away.

The play that finally killed the Timberwolves was the dumbest fucking play I've ever seen on a basketball court a fluke moment in which LeBron James was the only player on the court aware that he had only one free throw coming instead of two. LeBron scored a layup and was fouled, and Minnesota's resident idiot coach Kurt Rambis called timeout. When James returned to the free throw line, he missed. The players stayed lined up for a second free throw while Bosh picked up the ball and tried to hand it to the referee. LeBron ran down the lane, grabbed the ball, and dunked it hard, sparking boos from the few remaining Timberwolves fans.

But it wasn't all doom and gloom for the Wolves. Michael Beasley shot the ball well, scoring 13 worthless garbage time clutch points in the 4th quarter, and Anthony Randolph showed flashes of his potential as well in the first quarter. It was in the second quarter that he reminded us why he rode the bench on a shitty Knicks team.

All in all, it was an awful enjoyable night of basketball for Minneapolis residents, and certainly 'Sota fans with Miami hell well in the playoffs, and their bandwagon fans will certainly enjoy the potential dynasty Miami will have for the next several years. Before they all switch back to the Lakers.