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Saturday, April 30, 2011

Winning Ugly: On Memphis/San Antonio

Now it's a mighty long way down the dusty trail
And the sun burns hot on the cold steel rails
And I look like a bum, and I crawl like a snail
All the way from Memphis


-"All the Way From Memphis" by Mott the Hoople

At some point, the commentary about the Memphis/San Antonio series is going to become repetitive and extremely polarizing. That will be a damn shame. So before everyone splits up into pro and anti Grizzly camps, let's just take a second and process what we just witnessed.

I refuse to apologize for being generic...pictures of grizzlies are too cool to not post if you are given the opportunity.
Before we really get into things here, it would be a discredit not to mention the Spurs' sportsmanship after the game; a gesture that I realize feels patronizing, though nothing could be further from my intent. San Antonio, who for years have been one of the classiest, most respectable teams in the league, realized how young Memphis is and how much closing out this series in front of their home fans meant for them as a franchise. So instead of storming off the court in a huff without shaking hands, they all went over to tell the Grizzlies they had done well, and to wish them luck in the next round. Ginobili was forced to endure a short homily from Tony Allen, which, when he related it back to Doris Burke later, was revealed to have been equal parts homage to Manu and inane crazy person babble (to the surprise of absolutely no one who knows anything about Tony Allen). Greg Popovich was quick to compliment Lionel Hollins in his postgame press conference. Everything about San Antonio last night was saturated in class, which is why the media's treatment of them over the next few days is going to be insufferable.

There will be an abundance of people discussing the end of the Spurs dynasty, which is ridiculous; the Spurs dynasty ended in 2008 when Pau Gasol was traded to Los Angeles from (ironically) Memphis. Whoever gets to be the first person discussing the game on Around the Horn will gain 5 or 6 points from Tony Reali when they make the 3,000th "Grizzlies beat the grizzled vets" joke of the day on ESPN. It's all so damn predictable these days.

I'm old.

But instead of following the stream of negativity, let's instead spend some time dedicating Zach Randolph his due, and discuss one of the strangest feel-good stories in NBA history.

I'm not sure how many casual NBA fans remember this, but Randolph was a member of the infamous Jail Blazers, one of the most reviled groups of players in NBA history, and with good reason. Each member of that particular Portland team (which included headcases like Bonzi Wells, Rasheed Wallace, Damon Stoudemire, and probably the worst of the bunch, Ruben Patterson) was arrested multiple times, mostly for marijuana-related offenses, with a couple of sexual assault cases sprinkled in for good measure. Even when he came to Memphis, Randolph was rumored to be running a dope dealing ring within the city.

Now, I say this not to taint what he has done, but rather to point out how far he has risen.

Randolph has turned himself around, won over an entire city (who, it should be noted, were one of the best crowds of the playoffs so far last night), and is currently achieving his highest potential as a basketball player. His back to the basket talents are pure gold. He has 5 or 6 gorgeous post moves, and a beautiful set shot when he's open anywhere from 10-18 feet. He has great hands, and he's very smart when he's rebounding the basketball. Similar to Kevin Love of the Timberwolves, he doesn't leap over everyone else to pull down the ball, but instead boxes out correctly, and seems to have Super Glue on his hands at all times.

Also, can we put this myth to death? Zach Lowe of The Point Forward blog correctly pointed out last night that Z-Bo takes a curious amount of flack for being un-athletic, despite the fact that strength, footwork, and endurance are all part of being athletic. Apparently NBA writers don't consider you an athletic player unless you are built like Amar'e and you jump like a kangaroo.

And since this is the debate all the popular kids want to talk about this postseason, the record should note that Randolph is the very definition of clutch. The Grizzlies in Game 6 were fumbling. They couldn't get their offense rolling, nobody was getting to the basket, and the Spurs were looking as they though might get an opportunity to close out Memphis in Game 7 at home, in a game where they would have all the confidence, momentum, and home court advantages that the best regular season record in the Western Conference could buy.

Randolph was having none of it. Dropping 17 points in the 4th quarter alone, en route to a 31 point close-out game, he was THE offensive option for Memphis. In Lionel Hollins final timeouts, apparently his instructions were "Mike, you bring the ball up the floor. Zach, you get to your favorite spot. Mike, you get Zach the ball. Everyone else, clear the hell out of the way." And the craziest thing? It worked. Not because of any kind of expert planning or execution, but because Zach Randolph was far and away the best player on the floor, and he was not about to be denied.

One could count on two hands the players in the NBA who, when playing at their best and most determined, are truly unstoppable. Durant. Dirk. Manu. LeBron. A few others...and Zach Randolph.

Yeah. He has arrived there. The Spurs couldn't contain him with Duncan, one of the most fundamental defenders of all time at the 4. They couldn't contain him with double teams. Late in the game, with the shot clock running down, Randolph actually managed to split a TRIPLE team, bull his way ungainly to the middle of the paint, and sink a floating, left-handed dagger to put the Grizz up by 9.

Everything about Randolph's game is a bit ungainly, which fits the Grizzlies perfectly. They are not a pretty team; at least, not in the way that Rose makes Chicago a pretty team, which seems to be the golden standard for beautiful basketball these days. The word "finesse" hasn't been uttered within 100 miles of Memphis, Tennessee when it comes to basketball in several years. But if your definition of beautiful basketball includes old school post-moves, a team full of role players doing their job, athletic, harassing defenders, and one superstar entering his own, then the Grizzlies must-see TV, and it's a shame that either the Grizz or their next round opponent, the Thunder, have to lose in the next round, because watching both teams this season has been a pleasure, if for very differing reasons.

But Round 2 doesn't start until Sunday. And until then, I'm going to sit back and enjoy everything I just saw.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Kevin Durant: Slayer of Everything

Earlier this season, I saw Kevin Durant in person for the first time and watched him light up a badly overmatched Minnesota team for 47 points. No surprises there, right? The thing was, throughout most of the game, Durant was guarded by then-Timberwolves' forward Corey Brewer, an excellent long, athletic one-on-one defender. Durant was unaffected. He scored at will. As he fired away, and it seemed that every jumper that left his hands was destined to find the bottom of the net, I remember thinking to myself "Durant could conceivably become the single most unstoppable player in the NBA sometime in the next few years."

Despite the fact that I recently wrote an article that ridiculed sports writers who are so prone to hyperbole in their analysis, I feel as though I just witnessed a turning point. That time might be now. Playoff Durant is here, and he just made damn sure the Thunder moved on. 

(A quick tangent: tonight we nearly saw the utter demise of one of the most decorated dynasties in the NBA, the Tim Duncan era Spurs, at the hands of the 8th seeded Grizzlies, only to see rookie guard Gary Neal save their season and championship hopes at the buzzer with a long three to send the game into overtime. Despite all this drama, the Spurs/Grizzlies game was the second most fascinating game of the night. Is there anything in the world better than the NBA playoffs? Aside from Starburst jellybeans...? No. No there really isn't.)

I am squirming as I write this down.

On some nights, players are described as having scored a "quiet" 20 points. This usually means they hit some shots and contributed sufficiently to the game, but essentially just added points to the final box score; points that were necessary to get the win, but that didn't change the course of the contest.

This is the complete antithesis of what just occurred in Oklahoma City.
Yeah. Don't act like you didn't hear him.
Kevin Durant's 41 points were jet-engine-screaming, 11-year-old-girls-at-a-Justin-Bieber concert loud. With his team down 9, and the 4th quarter winding past the halfway point, Durant saw the situation was calling for a hero, and he took over.

A long two pointer. A big three. A falling, floating, off balance leaner which he sank as he was fouled on the way down. Another jumper. The closing free throws. And then blocking Aaron Afflalo's three point attempt out of bounds with 9 seconds left.

One thing he made abundantly clear: Durant was NOT about to let this series stretch to a Game 6.

What was so special about tonight's performance wasn't the 41 points, or even the 4th quarter explosion itself. It was seeing Durant demonstrating himself as a wise, mature-beyond-his-years player before our very eyes. He was aware of the stakes: if Denver won tonight, the Nuggets would have an opportunity to play at home in Game 6, and they would be dangerous molotov of confidence and desperation. Oklahoma City's confidence was visibly wavering. They had collapsed in the final seconds of Game 3. They weren't clicking for the first three quarters of Game 4. All the statistics and questions about teams who had never won a playoff series were swirling around their heads and it was starting to get to the young team.

So Durant made like Woody Harrelson.

He nutted up, demonstrating a sense of the Moment, the killer instinct, all the over-used cliches that are so deservedly bestowed upon Kobe Bryant. One has to wonder how much good leading the USA national team to a World Basketball Championship over the summer did for Durant's maturation, because as he took an entire franchise upon his slender, 22 year old shoulders, it felt as natural as breathing. Durant started elevating for jumpshot after unguardable jumpshot, pumping his fist after every basket, and gifting energy and confidence into the young Thunder, who followed his lead on offense, and chipped in an incredible six minute effort on defense, propelling themselves into the second round for the first time since the move to Oklahoma City.

The contrast between Games 3 and 4 is so obvious, it barely deserves mentioning, but I'll do it anyway. If there was any doubt (and there shouldn't have been) who the best player/alpha dog of this team is, consider it settled. When the Thunder need big plays late in the game on offense, Westbrook cannot be allowed to blunder the ball away; the offense needs to be in Durant's hands. Everyone knows he is going up with the shot, and it doesn't matter. He's supremely talented, impossible to guard, and now he has proven himself as winner. Oklahoma City is his team. Westbrook is nothing more than a very talented Robin, but as long as he embraces that role, the Thunder might be the best team in the playoffs.

In 2006, LeBron James had one of the greatest individual playoff performances in NBA history, dropping 48 points including 29 of his team's final 30 to drag the Cavaliers past the Detroit Pistons in Game 5 of the Eastern Conference Finals. Durant's Game 5 doesn't touch LeBron's in terms of pure single-handed dominance, or even in postseason significance, since it was just a first round victory. But if the Thunder can make a push to the Finals, it certainly doesn't seem ridiculous to say that tonight's performance, the first playoff series victory in Durant's career and certainly a defining moment of the postseason so far, was a similar first step.

Welcome to the postseason, Mr. Durant. We've been expecting you.

How Westbrook Made Me Appreciate Rondo...Even More


Some days, I like to take a step back from my daily life and reflect on what I'm thankful for. You know, life, love, family, Starburst Jellybeans, the usual. I'm a fairly normal guy. But on days like today, I'm unspeakably thankful for Rajon Rondo.
Like so many other Celtics' fans, I adopted Oklahoma City as my Western Conference playoff team for two reasons: they now have Perk, and with his acquisition, they look like the toughest matchup out West for the Lakers (or at least, the toughest matchup that isn't 6'1 and wearing the name "Paul" on the back of his jersey). So while watching a very tight Game 4 between the Nuggets and Thunder on Monday night, I was rooting for OKC to come back and win. And, given that the Thunder were down by three, that Kevin Durant is one of the toughest three point shooters to guard in the NBA, and that at that point in the game, he was hotter than a high fever in summer from beyond the arc, I automatically assumed that Durant would be the one shooting for the tie.
I was wrong.
Russell Westbrook got the ball off a miss by Denver, pushed the ball up the court, and slowed to a stop just behind the three point line. He continued dribbling, and seemed to survey his other offensive options rather half-heartedly for a second before stepping into a three pointer. Airball.
Upon witnessing this abomination of human endeavour, the Denver crowd seemed momentarily stunned with relief before exploding into cheers. Viewers at home could practically hear Charles Barkley back in the TNT studio foaming at the mouth at Westbrook's decision making. But Westbrook wasn't done. After Felton clanked a free throw that allowed the Thunder one final heave to send the game into overtime, Westbrook again played antihero-ball, dribbling up the court in a mad dash, and heaving a desperate attempt to draw a foul at the basket. Clang. Ball game.
All the while, I was thinking just one thing: Rondo would not have taken those shots.

Now, Westbrook is a fantastic player. He developed into an All Star this year, and his selection to the squad was well deserved. His bull-in-a-china-shop routine consistently gets him to the free throw line, where he knocks down a very respectable 85%. Combine this with his speed, strength, and freakish aggressiveness, and he has made himself one of the most difficult players to guard in the NBA. 
But in close games, the teams who win consistently are teams whose players know EXACTLY what their role is, and how best to perform that role. A point guard's job throughout the game, but especially in crunch time, is to find the best shot available, whether that's for themselves, or for a teammate; a role with which young stud point guards often struggle. Another good example is Derrick Rose, who has hoisted a shudder-inducing 29 three pointers in four playoff games so far (three more than the greatest three point shooter of all time, Ray Allen...hey, I'm just the messenger), and has made just 5 of them. Derrick, your shot selection...woof.
But Rondo, despite being one of the most confident young players in the league, doesn't take stupid shots. For whatever reason, they really aren't a part of his repertoire. He knows his limits, he knows his strengths, he knows the pieces he has around him, and plays within these parameters as well as (if not better than) anybody else in the NBA. He doesn't think of himself as a three point threat (thank goodness) or as his team's number one scoring option (unless he's being guarded by Tony Douglas). He knows all of the dangerous options the Celtics have on offense, he knows where they need the ball, and he knows when to get it to them. He knows that if he waits a split second, Ray Allen will be coming off a curl, his defender will have just received a bone-jarring pick from Kevin Garnett, and Allen will likely have an open jumpshot. Not just that, he also knows the spot on Ray's body that makes it easiest for him to catch, elevate, and shoot in that perfect, sweet motion. 
But more importantly, at the end of the game, Rondo knows who has the hot hand, and he knows how Doc Rivers' plays are drawn up. Doc's plays out of timeouts almost always have four scoring options and Rondo memorizes them flawlessly. He improvises when necessary, but does so intelligently, which leads to many easy baskets coming out of timeouts for the Celtics. 
Obviously, I'm not under the impression that Rondo is a perfect player; he's far from it. But he might be the perfect point guard for this particular team. We all know his flaws, and, honestly, we've all rehashed them so many times that sometimes I'm afraid we forget to appreciate the beautiful, cerebral brand of basketball that he plays when he is at his best, which he seems to save for the playoffs. So after watching several other young point guards struggle with their roles and identities in Round 1, it seems entirely appropriate that we take a moment and remember to appreciate how lucky we are to have Rondo. 
And while we are at it, we can drool over the fact that he will be facing Mike Bibby's corpse next round. Bring on the Heat!

Monday, April 25, 2011

Tony Allen Has All Your Reckless Quotes

He ain't playing like his arm is hurt. I think that's all for the birds right there. I don't think there's anything wrong with him. Everybody's banged up...I don't go to the media saying what's wrong with me. I don't go to my P.R. guy and say "put this out". I just fight through.
-Tony Allen

Tony. Buddy. I love the attitude, I love the swagger. I love the chip on your shoulder. It's what has made you such an entertaining player this season, and it's one of the things that makes your Grizzlies such a likable team.

*Smack!* BUT WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!

The Grizzlies have put themselves in a great situation, up 2-1 over the Spurs, the top seed out West. San Antonio has looked old and undersized against a young, hungry Grizzlies team. Now, Celtics fans from last year can attest to the fact that Tony Allen is, to say the least, a strange young man. But this particular quote is playing with a very dangerous fire.

If there's anything we know about playoff basketball these past couple years, it's that the vets don't go down easily, and sometimes all they need is a little motivation. Last year, the Celtics were being counted out before Quentin Richardson through an elbow at Garnett and both teams got into each other's faces on the sideline. Richardson followed up the altercation with a comment to the media calling Pierce and Garnett "actresses" and saying "I don't like them and they know it." 

This situation ended about as well for Q-Rich as throwing a rock at a hornet's nest. Boston went on a chainsaw-like tear, knocked off the Heat in 5, and blew through the Eastern Conference like a tornado through a trailer park before Kendrick Perkin's injury cost the Celtics the title in Game 7.

For the record, I still think Memphis holds the advantage in this series. I think they should be able to win tonight and go back to San Antonio with a commanding 3-1 series lead, especially if the Spurs front line is sporting a hobbled Antonio McDyess from his neck injury. But if San Antonio has been kickstarted, if they come back and win the series, and if Manu Ginobili plays pissed off, destroying everything in his path, this writer for one won't be incredibly surprised. And I'm pretty sure I'll know where to point my finger.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Brooms in Beantown

A case could be made that the Celtics just ripped through their ideal first round series, after polishing off the New York Knicks on Sunday afternoon at Madison Square Garden.

New York never really bothered to adjust to this. Miami might want to to take notes. (Actually, what am I saying? Hey Spoelstra, leave Ray open. Total choke artist. Jesus Bricksworth, we call him in Boston.)
To recap:
  • In Game 1, the Celtics were tested early, overcame a monster game from Amar'e Stoudemire, battled back from a double digit halftime lead, and ended up winning on a super clutch shot from Jesus Shuttlesworth himself.
  • In a second straight wake up game for Boston, Game 2 saw the Celtics up against one of the premier athletes/scorers in the NBA on a career night, and refusing to fold, pulling out the tough win.
  • In Game 3, Boston led wire-to-wire, and showed the kind of play on both offense and defense that could propel them to an 18th banner, if sustained.
  • And in Game 4, Boston started off with the defense and the offense to destroy the Knicks. They then (predictably) let their guard down, watched the lead slip away, and ultimately demonstrated their ability to shut down inferior teams.
Individually:
  • Most importantly, Rajon Rondo just submitted a vintage Playoff Rondo performance, averaging 18 points, 12 assists, and 8 rebounds against much inferior Knicks point guards. Best of all? Next round, he faces Mike Bibby's corpse. I'm currently drooling like my dog faced with a prime rib.
  • Ray Allen was...well, out of this world. 75% from three point range for the rest of the playoffs isn't going to continue, but late in the regular season, Boston was having trouble keeping Ray-Ray involved. From the looks of things, Boston's offense seems to have straightened out this particular rather inexplicable flaw.
  • Pierce is still a killer. Every time New York really threatened to come back, Pierce was able to knock down a big jumper to kill the rally. Plus he submitted a flashback performance in Game 3, dropping 38 points. 
  • KG continues to put forward performances that smell much more like 2008 than 2010. And believe me, the 2008 product was a much better fragrance.
  • Jermaine O'Neal has been the most pleasant surprise of the playoffs so far for Boston. Nobody really expected him to come back this season, so to see him moving so freely on defensive rotations and hitting jumpers over shorter post players is enough to make Celtic fans cautiously optimistic that he could be an impact player on both ends of the floor as well. Pardon me while I shake my head a little to clear it.
  • The bench mob of the Celtics was terrible in Games 1-3, but Game 4 saw some encouraging signs from Baby Davis, who seemed to get his jumper back on track in the first half, Nenad Krstic hustling on defense and on the offensive boards, and Delonte West striking up some combative swagger that he desperately needs to perform at a high level.
In other series:
  • Chicago is getting exposed as a one-trick horse on offense in a tough series against the Pacers. Admittedly, their one trick is Derrick Rose, which is a bit like saying that Secretariat was a one trick horse, but still...
  • Miami is facing a tough test from an inferior team and, after losing Sunday afternoon, has given Boston's aging stars one of the things they covet most: a few more days of rest. 
  • Atlanta has positioned themselves very well to knock off Dwight Howard's Magic, and Howard is the one player who could single-handedly hurt the Celtics the most.
I'm not saying the Celtics are by any means the prohibitive favorites to come out of the East; they spluttered their way through the end of the regular season a little too much to claim that status after four straight wins against a hobbled, out-of-sorts Knicks' team.

But it never hurts a championship contender to be tested and woken up a bit in the first round, especially a team full of vets like Boston. And with Shaq likely to come back against Miami, adding to a frontline that includes Jermaine and Krstic, as well as a baaad mismatch at point guard, and over a week's worth of rest before the series starts, Boston has to be encouraged by what it has seen so far in the postseason.

Now join me for a second...

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Worst Commercials of the Playoffs: Power Rankings

This is self explanatory. Our crop of bad commercials this year is pretty high. This cannot be tolerated without a Rant. I'd post Youtube links, but I don't think you really need to re-watch them, they don't need the advertising dollars, and the hospital doesn't allow Youtube. So let's get right down to it.

Honorable Mention:
Apple's "If You Don't Have An iPhone..."
(From Jon Meerdink) If you don't own an iPhone, you probably aren't a pretentious d-bag who won't shut up about your iPhone. Worrrrd.

#3: The Fast Five Movie Trailer

The Rock: Urf. I have muscles.
Vin Diesel: Humph. I'm Vin Diesel. I have a deep voice AND muscles, and I'm CLEARLY not overcompensating for anything.
The Rock: Don't let them get into cars! These are professionally bad actors!
(Footage of Vin Diesel and Paul Walker driving really fast)

The Fast Five! Coming to theaters full of teenagers and rednecks near you.

#2: Dwight Howard's "Handsy" Commercial

The NBA's newest playoff ad campaign is easily their worst of the past 5 years, featuring a talking basketball waxing poetic about big NBA moments. It's a bad idea from the get-go, but so far Dwight's contribution by far takes the cake. The talking ball describes how "handsy" Dwight is, and ends with this incredibly awkward anecdote..."sometimes I'm like WHOA Dwight, at least buy me dinner. Heh. I kill the other balls with that one."

To recap:
A boring montage of Dwight Howard grabbing rebounds: Check!
A concept that doesn't really work, and feels incredibly childish: Check!
Scrapping really good ad campaigns (like the "Where Amazing Happens" with the haunting piano music behind drama filled moments): Check!
Awkward, unspoken references to the male genitalia, as well as a vaguely homophobic comment: Check!

All this adds up to a number two ranking, only because number one is SO unspeakably bad.

#1: McDonalds Nickname Commercial

Ok, lets start with how implausible this whole awful spectacle is. The girl in this ad is annoying. Like, goosebumps annoying. If a girl ever called me Chipmunk, I would yell at her immediately. If a girl ever called me Wiggly, I would dump her on the spot, and I would not be kind about it. And if a girl ever called me Puggle Wuggles, I would consider hiring a man named Vito who dresses in a nice suit, drives a nice black car, and carries handguns to his job to "take care of her."

If you were a blind person, and you heard this ad on TV, you would assume that, since the guy is playing along with her little nickname game, she must be immortally hot. BUT SHE'S NOT! She's very homely, which would be fine, if she had a wonderful personality. But did I mention she called her boyfriend Puggle Wuggles in front of his friends? Clearly she is a horrific human being.

And finally, nobody considers themselves "smart" to eat at McDonald's. I'm not saying smart people don't eat there, but when you do, you certainly aren't thinking to yourself, "MAN I'm like freaking Einstein up in here."

Ugh. Just kill me.

Alternate Endings

Boy, it felt like Indiana deserved to win a game in this series, didn't it?

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against the Bulls, or against Derrick Rose, unless it's that their bandwagon fans are increasingly making them a team that NOBODY is allowed to insult on NBA blogs. But honestly, Rose is one of my top 3 favorite players to watch, along with Blake Griffin (for obvious reasons) and Rajon Rondo (because of the cerebral, unselfish way he plays the game).

But watching this one, and wanting to see at least one well-deserved win for the young Pacers, I felt like I was re-watching The Departed. I KNEW what was coming and it depressed the living hell out of me, but I kept hoping that when that elevator opened, Billy Costigan (played by Leonardo DiCaprio) wouldn't be facing a handgun pointed directly at his face by Trooper Barrigan, and the back of the elevator wouldn't get covered by his brains.

And watching this game, I knew what was going to happen as well. I KNEW the Pacers were going to race out to what looked like a nice, comfortable lead, before coughing it up in agonizing fashion, and watching the Bulls walk off the court with the closest playoff sweep in history.

Sure enough, the Pacers led by 12 with two and a half minutes left when Korver drained a three. Deng hit a layup and drew a foul. Rose stole the ball and dunked it. Joakim Noah converted another three point play. Sprinkle in a couple of tantalizing free throws by Indiana, and the Pacers led by three with roughly 14 seconds left to play, Chicago's ball.

At this point, I was cringing so hard, I think I pulled an eyebrow muscle. I was so certain Derrick Rose or Kyle Korver was getting the ball with a good look at a three, I texted Jon Meerdink to tell him I would be willing to wager my life's savings (roughly $29.34) that Indiana's season was ending tonight, and he wasn't about to take the bet.

But then, something strange happened: someone slipped in a DVD with an alternate ending. Costigan reached the bottom of the elevator, the doors opened, just like I'd seen 100 times before, but this time, Barrigan got held up in traffic. He wasn't able to surprise Costigan at the bottom of the elevator, who walked away unscathed.

Chicago inexplicably decided they absolutely needed to go for a three. I say inexplicably because they had 14 seconds left, Indiana was essentially begging them to shoot a two defensively, and the only player who was able to get a clean look from downtown was Carlos Boozer. Not only that, but Indiana was struggling from the free throw line, and struggling even more to actually get the ball in bounds and across halfcourt against Chicago's smothering defense. And yet, Boozer pulled the trigger on a three from the baseline and missed. Indiana grabbed the rebound and escaped with the win.

Indiana will not win this series, nor do they deserve to. Chicago is far and away the better team, and will probably benefit greatly from being tested early on in the playoffs; when they are tested in the next round by Atlanta or Orlando, they will know how to put a game away instead of folding under the ever-increasing playoff pressure. But the Pacers have played the Bulls tough for four consecutive games, and deserved to walk away victors in at least one before they were eliminated, especially in front of a home crowd that was almost overwhelmed by Bulls fans. (Seriously, where were all these fans between the years of 1998 and 2009? Ugh.) For a young team, few things could be more encouraging for the future.

Tonight, they held on, and one of the most entertaining series' of the playoffs so far continues. I, for one, am very glad, despite the fact that I know how it's going to end.

Almost certainly. I'll bet you $29.34.

My Hospital Stay: Part 1

This post has nothing to do with basketball. Don't get used to it, I promise. I don't know how many posts I will write about my current hospitalization, but here is the first one. 

I was sleeping rather deeply, enjoying a mildly drug induced dream, into which my addled brain had incorporated elements of the Celtics winning by 20 over the Knicks and the crappy movie (Bounty Hunter) I watched to fall asleep just two hours ago, when I was awakened rudely by a cacophony of sounds.

BEEDEEBEEDEEBEEDEEBEEDEEBEEDEE *pounding footsteps*..."Oh Urma, sweetie, settle down" *confused spluttering from Urma* BEEDEEBEEDEEBEEDEEBEEDEE!

It seems Urma Across the Hall has figured out how to rid herself of her sensor. Again. Wonderful. 

You see, Urma Across the Hall has been slipping her heart rate sensor off her finger all night, which makes her heart sensor (not the brightest of machines, we'll name it Homer) think "OHMYHOLYMOTHER, URMA IS DYING!!" 

So while Homer has a panic attack, some poor nurse is forced to run into Urma's room to see that...yes, once again, Urma has outsmarted her machine by waiving her arms around in such random fashion that Homer has fallen off, and poor Homer, who is desperately in need of a vacation (or possibly retirement by this point) warbles loudly into the not-so-peaceful hospital night.

Needless to say, I have been dealing with the situation in a mature, adult fashion by waking up, cursing at the world into my pillow, and stumbling off to the bathroom to think snarky thoughts and drown my sorrows in massive amounts of IV-induced, over-hydrated pissing.

You can imagine, then, my consternation when my nurse of the evening decided that I needed a heart rate sensor of my own to wear for the night, since I've been hooked up to a magic button that injects me with pain medication. The magic button (here on out known as Gandalf) is probably my best friend in the hospital, with apologies to my family and Dustin, both of whom have visited me daily, but cannot, at the press of a button, fill my body with chuckles. All it takes is one poke at Gandalf, and my stomach cramping (and really, any other unpleasant sensation imaginable) goes washing off into the netherworlds of my conscious. However, several dumb unfortunate people have apparently used too much of their own personal Gandalf, and have passed away in the night from it, forcing those of us who use him responsibly to wear heart rate sensors. I was less than pleased with this arrangement for several reasons, not the least of which being my sensor's incredibly unfortunate placement for typing.
Whether or not another reason for my consternation was the sheer volume of snarky tweets and Facebook statuses I had recently posted bitching about Urma Across the Hall...well, I leave you to judge if my character is that low. (It is). 

My new sensor, which will from now on be known as Ernie, is very guarded in his enthusiasm. When he doesn't feel a pulse, Ernie is still very unsure whether or not he should alert the hospital staff. He doesn't really seem to have mastered the concept that a beating heart is essential to the human survival, though I'm sure that when he DOES master that concept, he will be a first rate heart rate sensor, no doubt ALMOST as perceptive as Homer. But for now, when I need to use the bathroom and I'm forced to unplug myself from Ernie, it sounds something like this...

BEEP! (Ernie thinks...Ernie can't decide...but Ernie figures he better...) BEEP! (Ernie: Um, I don't think something's right here...Can't quite my finger on it...I better...) BEEP! (Ernie realizes, through great mental prowess, that his beeping isn't getting a response, so ERNIE GOES FOR IT!) BEEP! BEEP! (Hey guys! HEY! Guys!) BEEP!

Unfortunately, at the moment, it's four in the morning, and my stomach is rumbling threateningly. I pull aside my oddly over-warm bedcovers that have been making my legs sweat all night, and gingerly unplug Ernie, who is instantly on the alert. 

Beep! (Hmm...my incredibly acute sensors can sense...something...)

I sigh loudly, and move myself in a clunky, clumsy fashion towards the bathroom. 

Beep! BEEP! (Dammit, Ernie, please just shut up.)

Then, as I situate myself comfortably on the toilet, across the hall I hear the call of Homer.

BEEDEEBEEDEEBEEDEE! *pounding footsteps* "Urma sweetie..."

To which Ernie responds BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

Yes. Ernie has awoken Urma Across the Hall, who, in yet another remarkable feat of human effort, has UNPLUGGED HOMER AGAIN! Now Ernie and Homer appear to be engaged in either a yelling match between robots, or the mating call of the most annoying fucking birds on the planet.

BEEDEEBEEDEEBEEDEEBEEDEE!

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

BEEDEEBEEDEEBEEDEEBEEDEE!

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

My doctor keeps asking how I slept. I keep telling him I'm sleeping fine, which is, of course, a dirty whorish lie. It's 4 in the morning, and Urma Across the Hall is a master of her craft.

Sigh. 

Gandalf, my friend! Let's hang out!

Friday, April 22, 2011

Redemption in the Rose Garden

I'm getting old. I hate reality TV shows. I hate what they have done to us as people searching for entertainment. And, oddly enough, I really hate the way they make us watch sports.

Entertainment as a whole has become an emotional roller-coaster. We need to constantly be witnessing something big, something new, something that will change someone's life, and, because we witnessed it, something that will change our day. We need to see rags to riches stories and once in a lifetime events on a consistent day-to-day basis, and I don't think we realize the paradox in that statement. We want tear jerkers. We want to laugh at stupid people, since we are CLEARLY more intelligent than these idiots (after all, we just watch them). We miss high school, (well, some of the more foolish of us do) so we want drama. Thus the emergence of shows like American Idol and all the related rip offs. Thus Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Thus Jersey Shore. And thus, it seems to me anyway, the decline of popularity in sports.

See, it's no longer good enough to watch talented athletes perform against each other, not when we can see more (manufactured) drama nightly on MTV. If we are going to watch sports, we now need to see things we've never seen before. Every single basket needs to be the BIGGEST basket, every game has to be a defining game of every season, which needs to be potentially the "greatest season of all time." We can't wait around and watch stories develop, we need to see immediate results, immediate action, immediate gratification.

To make a very long introduction short, we, as a nation, can certainly be stupid.

With all this high school drama swirling around the sporting world, it really does seem a shame when a truly great story appears to be slipping through the cracks. So, for all 40 of you who consistently read my blog, please don't let Brandon Roy go unnoticed.

A promising young guard with beautiful, smooth ball handling moves and a wonderful jumpshot, Roy won over Portland in his early years, and when you win over fans in Portland, you REALLY win them. Blazer fans are the anti-bandwagon fans; loud, loving, and supportive almost to the point of foolishness, and they were content to watch the young team develop over several seasons, thrilled with all the potential of the Brandon Roy era.

Unfortunately, Roy's knees were both made to breakdown, and in consecutive years, he saw both left and right knees cost him significant playing time. Worse yet, Portland's training staff isn't exactly famous for taking good care of bad knees (see Oden, Greg). Last year, Roy had a tear in his meniscus, and in January of 2011, had microscopic surgery on BOTH knees. And though he has returned for the Blazers, he clearly is not the same; his tentative play and his falling field goal percentages left Blazer coach Nate McMillan with no choice but to cut his minutes, to the point where a 3 time All Star, former rookie of the year, and local sports folk hero was confined to the bench for all but eight minutes of a close Game 2 against the Mavericks.

Roy was upset. When asked about it after the game, he responded quite candidly.

"There was a point in the first half where I was like 'you better not cry.'... I'm not going to lie, it's hard. My pride is a little scarred. It's difficult to sit on the bench...Especially when I think I can still help."

It wasn't a surprise that a former all star who had been benched was unhappy with the situation. Nor was it surprising that it caused quite a stir among sports analysts, who were all quick to leap at the opportunity to call out Brandon Roy for "distracting his team" and "causing problems on the bench." Also unsurprising was the speculation over whether or not Portland would boo Roy.

What was surprising was the reaction from the Portland fans.

See, Portland wasn't ready to give up on Roy. Not when they have cheered for him over and over, for the past 5 years. Not when he was willing to pour his heart into this and all of his other comebacks. Not when coach Nate McMillan, even after Roy criticized his job performance, wanted nothing more than to see Roy succeed, saying "nobody in the state, not even Brandon Roy, wants to see him out on the floor as much as I do...I certainly haven't forgotten about him."

And that's where this story gets good. You see, when the fans didn't give up on Roy, Roy came through in a big way. He entered the game to resounding cheers, and, confidence sky high from all the hometown support, dropped several big baskets on the Mavs on his way to 16 key points of the bench. He was the recipient of a loud standing ovation after knocking down a couple of big threes, and by the end of the night, was back on everybody's good list.

You know what the best part is? Roy earned his shot at redemption, and Portland's excellent fanbase recognized his worth. More importantly, when given the shot, he came through and helped earn a big, season-saving win for the Blazers.

And let me tell you...last night in Portland's Rose Garden, it was only the best kind of drama.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

The Bandwagon Test

Watching the Portland play Dallas in Game 3, I was struck by how amazing the Trail Blazers crowd was. Loud, energetic and engaged, they were essentially everything Miami fans aren't. Yes, I'm still all up in arms over Miami's bandwagon.

Please understand one thing; the people I'm all up in arms over are those who couldn't tell me who the Heat drafted when they missed out on Derrick Rose in 2008. There are true Heat fans out there, just like there are very good Lakers fans out there who suffered through the Smush Parker, Chris Mihm, and Kwame Brown years. These good people should not be confused with the bandwagon jumpers, and are not the targets of my ire.

So I decided we need a test. A list of questions that would weed out the wheat from the chaff. This test can be modified and used on any possible bandwagon fan in any sport (ie: the Yankees, the Red Sox/Celtics, the Lakers, the Bulls, the Patriots/Packers/Steelers, and the Cowboys if they ever get good again) simply by modifying the questions. And here are my requirements for the Heat, 10 basically easy questions that true fans SHOULD be able to answer.

THE HEAT CHECK
  1. What year did the Miami Heat become a franchise in the NBA?
  2. What team was Miami's bitter rival during the 90's?
  3. What All Star post player for the Heat made an inspiring comeback to the NBA after kidney surgery?
  4. In what year did the Heat win their first NBA championship, and who did they beat?
  5. What coach did Pat Riley replace at the helm for Miami's championship run, and what current division rival does he coach now?
  6. In 2008, the Heat got the second pick of the NBA draft, missing out on Derrick Rose. Who did they pick?
  7. Name the last two teams to knock Miami out of the NBA playoffs.
  8. Who is the current coach of the Miami Heat?
  9. Name two members of the Miami starting lineup that aren't named LeBron, Dwyane, or Chris.
  10. In what arena do the Heat play their home games?
ANSWERS
  1. 1987-1988
  2. New York Knicks
  3. Alonzo Mourning
  4. 2006, Dallas Mavericks
  5. Stan Van Gundy, Orlando Magic
  6. Michael Beasley
  7. Atlanta Hawks and Boston Celtics
  8. Eric Spoelstra
  9. Mike Bibby, Zydrunas Ilgauskas
  10. American Airlines Arena

Worthy of Respect- 9 or 10 correct answers
I dub thee...not a douchebag
Anybody who can get 9 or 10 of these answers correct is a Miami Heat fan for life. Hate the team all you want, but respect these fans.

A Passing Grade- 7 or 8 correct answers

Gandalf HATES bandwagon jumpers.

Members of this group are safe from blatant outward questions regarding their loyalty. They are likely either sincere fans of the NBA who decided on the Heat, or Heat fans who are under the age of 25, which would make questions about the early years of the franchise more difficult. Still. Feel free to judge them inwardly, if you feel the need.

THE BARE NECESSITIES- 5 or 6 correct answers
If you can think of an excuse to put Baloo into your NBA post, you do it. Plain and simple
This group could be legitimate...or they could have just gotten lucky. Here's a tip: if they are wearing a LeBron James shirt or jersey, be very wary of them. If their Heat apparel looks well worn and loved, give them a grudging pass.

THE WORST OF THE WORST- Less than 5 correct answers
Sew this to their clothes when they aren't looking.
Violence is not encouraged, but glaring is very appropriate. Anyone who can't answer this many questions correctly regarding their so-called "favorite" sports team doesn't deserve to wear the colors. Hand these people a copy of Bill Simmons' Book of Basketball with a shake of the head and a clever, derisive comment.

Keep fighting the good fight, and keep true fandom alive!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Lakers/Hornets Preview

This particular post is going to be outdated fast, but it's such a fascinating game, I can't resist writing it.

Honestly? I feel like tonight's game between New Orleans and Los Angeles has the potential to turn the entire 2010-2011 NBA playoffs upside down.

If Los Angeles wins...

  • The Lakers are almost certainly going to win the series. Even having surrendered homecourt advantage, the Lakers are too big, too experienced, and too talented for the Hornets sans David West, if the Hornets don't jump all over this opportunity immediately. 
  • Not only will the Lakers have won the series, but they will have gotten the wake up call they got last season with the Oklahoma City Thunder, and could potentially start ripping through the playoffs like a buzzsaw through cotton. People seem to forget that it can actually be an advantage to be tested in the early rounds of the playoffs, and the Lakers, who ended the season in such lackluster fashion, are a prime example of a team who would benefit from a first round test.
  • Los Angeles would have a very favorable road to the championship. They would start (probably) with home court advantage against the Mavericks. If/when they knock off the Mavs, they would face either the Spurs, who don't have the size to match both Bynum and Gasol, or Oklahoma City, coming off two tough rounds against the Nuggets and Spurs. Oh, and against OKC, LA would have home court.
  • Kobe will have a great opportunity to tie Jordan in the all important ring count.
  • The Lakers will have a great opportunity to become the franchise with the most championships of all time.
But if somehow New Orleans wins...

  • The Hornets could upset the Lakers in the first round. It's not a lock, but it's a possibility.
  • Let me repeat that: the Hornets could upset the defending national champion Lakers in the first round.
  • The Western Conference playoffs would suddenly become WIDE open. San Antonio, Oklahoma City, Denver (if they can advance), and Dallas would all see their chances of representing the West in the Finals GREATLY strengthened.
  • Whoever represents the East in the Finals wouldn't have to face one of the most battle-tested playoff teams in history.
  • The Lakers' closing championship window would take a very serious hit.
  • And finally, we would be left with this question: if somehow the Hornets beat the Lakers, would this be the biggest upset in NBA playoff history?
Umm yeah. I'll be watching.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Where Defibrillators Happen


At halftime of tonight's game between New York and Boston, I had given up on the 2010-2011 Celtics.

I was convinced Boston was done. Cooked. Over. Washed up. I was cursing the very air that Danny Ainge breathes. I was wishing for Kendrick Perkins the way a heart broken 14 year old wishes for her first ex-boyfriend.

When the Celtics trailed by 12 at halftime, I was assuming several things to be true about the team. First, I assumed that the Celtics had been winning games at the beginning of the season based on two things: intimidation and team camaraderie. The intimidation came from the interior defense. Opposing wings knew one thing: if they challenged any combination of Perk, Shaq, or KG by driving, chances were they were going to end up on their rear ends. The Celtics bullied teams, pure and simple.

But more important than intimidation was the camaraderie. The Celtics were a real team, a group who believed in and needed each other, a symbiotic ecosystem of friendships, egos, and roles. They had bought into Doc River's preachings of Ubuntu back in the summer of 2007 and had created an environment in which they had convinced themselves that, when together, they had a team that could not be beaten in the playoffs. They were running on pure confidence, working together on both offense and defense to grind out win after win.

Which brings us to the Celtics dirty little secret: in 2010-2011, Boston is not the most talented team. Not in the NBA, not in the Eastern Conference, heck, they might not be the most talented team in the Atlantic Division. It's difficult to acknowledge, as a Celtics fan who loves this current team more than some parents love their children, but it's a harsh reality that this team's championship window is closing much faster than I would like to admit.

But the playoffs are a whole new animal, as we have seen in...well...every single series so far. The Knicks kept punching the Celtics in the face with big three after big three late in the game, and the Celtics just kept taking punch after punch, kept spitting out teeth and grinning crookedly at the assailant, and kept on coming, until with 12 seconds left, they were right where they wanted to be: Ray Allen spotting up outside the 3 point line.

Going forward, Celtics fans can take comfort knowing this: while their team isn't the most talented, they are far and away the most experienced playoff team in the Eastern Conference. And that sincerely matters. Boston is not going to get flustered. They have veterans and shooters who can keep them in every single game, regardless of how far behind they get. Their top two challengers in the East? Miami, whose two superstars have less playoff experience than you'd think. LeBron has been to the Finals once, as a precocious third year player, before getting swept by San Antonio. Wade has a championship ring...and hasn't won a playoff series since. And Chicago, whose young superstar Derrick Rose has never won a playoff series.

I have no idea if this matters. The Celtics could lose the next 4 games. They could win this series, and get swept by the more talented Heat. They could beat the Heat and find the Derrick Rose show to be too much. They could win the title. Honestly after these first two days of absolutely insane playoff action, it would take a lot to surprise me. But here at the beginning of the playoffs, hope springs anew: after Game 1, it's 1-0 Boston.

15 more wins to go.

A Bucks Fan Picks the First Round, Pt. 2

Continued from before, my friend Jon Meerdink picks the Western Conference winners. As before, these picks were all before todays games, I was just stuck at work too long to actually post them before the action took place. Again, my bad. 


-Tom


Western Conference Round 1 Picks

San Antonio Spurs vs. Memphis Grizzlies
The Spurs are legendary for saving themselves for the playoffs. They always seem to build for the April-June run through the postseason, which is why it was a bit surprising to me to see them sprint out to such a hot start. For much of the season, there was nobody hotter than the San Antonio Spurs. They were even on pace to win more than 70 games at one point.

They inevitably cooled off but still earned the top seed out in the West, where they’ll match up with the eighth seeded Memphis Grizzlies, who have all grown beards so they can match their mascot. I actually think the Spurs are a great matchup for the Grizzlies. San Antonio has a relatively small front line other than Tim Duncan, which will make it hard to match up with Zach Randolph. That said, it’ll probably come down to guard play in the end, which I think favors San Antonio. Experience in the backcourt and the presence of all-time great Tim Duncan on the inside will make the Spurs too much for the Grizzlies, who will put up a fight but eventually fall 4-2.

Los Angeles Lakers vs. New Orleans Hornets
I’m no Laker fan. I respect Kobe Bryant, but I can’t root for the Lakers, no matter what. Having said that, I don’t think there’s any way that New Orleans can hang with the defending champs. Los Angeles is just too talented, too experienced…too everything really. New Orleans just doesn’t have enough to get it done.

I wanted to make each of these picks two full paragraphs, but really, I have nothing left to say. LA gets out their brooms on the way to round two. It’s a 4-0 sweep.

Dallas Mavericks vs. Portland Trailblazers
I have one huge question going into this matchup: how come nobody calls Portland the T-Blazers? I live in Minnesota, so everybody is constantly calling the Timberwolves the T-Wolves. How come that never translates to Portland?

Seriously though, I think these teams are much more evenly matched than their seedings would indicate. Portland is probably the NBA’s best kept secret. I love Andre Miller. I love LaMarcus Aldridge. If it wasn’t for Brandon Roy’s creaky knees, Portland would have the absolute perfect Big Three alignment for a multi-season championship run.

The thing is, Dallas is the higher seed, which means they have home court advantage, and home court advantage is a big plus in a matchup between two evenly matched teams. It showed in Game 1, and I think it’ll probably show throughout the series. Experience plus home court advantage equals first round win for Dallas, but they’ll have to work for it. We’ll be here for seven games, but Dallas wins 4-3.


Oklahoma City Thunder vs. Denver Nuggets
It’s everybody’s favorite team of nice guys against the feel good story of the NBA season. It’s Kevin Durant, the face of the NBA’s future, versus the team Carmelo Anthony left for dead. It’s OKC and the Mile High City, and it’s my favorite first round matchup.

Why is it my favorite? Because both teams play beautiful basketball. In my idealized world, every basketball game ends on a last second three pointer with both teams scoring more than 120 points. These two teams could give us that. Neither team likes to play slow, although if it comes to that, I think the Thunder has better personnel for that kind of game. This is also probably the first playoff series in history to feature two teams with sky-blue uniforms, but I can’t verify that.
The thing is, even though this is my favorite series, I just have the feeling that it might not be around for too long. They play similar styles, but I think it’s finally Oklahoma City’s time. Denver just doesn’t have the firepower to keep with Durant, Westbrook, and Company. Plus, Kendrick Perkins has teamed up with Serge Ibaka to make the Thunder into a team that actually can play defense, so that will slow down the Nuggets just enough to let Durant and friends run wild. Oklahoma City advances 4-2.

A Bucks Fan Picks the First Round, Pt. 1

Since I was at work all day, and unable to post anything, here's my friend Jon Meerdink, with some thoughts on the NBA playoffs. Smart dude, knows his sports. Unfortunately, I'm posting this a little bit late, so all his predictions were before today's action. That one's on me. My bad.

-Tom
I'm hoping Jon never got to this point this season.
A Bucks Fan Picks the First Round – Part 1 – Eastern Conference

So I’m a Milwaukee Bucks fan. I’ll give you a few moments to let your laughter/pity subside. Thanks. Anyhow, since the Bucks were eliminated from playoff contention about a year and a half ago, I really don’t have a favorite team in the playoffs this year. That gives me an opportunity to step back and take a look at what’s going on in the rest of the NBA a little bit more than I usually would. I don’t claim to be an NBA expert by any means, but here’s what I see going on in the playoffs this year.

Chicago Bulls vs. Indiana Pacers
I have a little bit of an advantage picking all of these matchups since some of the first games are already done, but I don’t think that will change many of my picks. This is one matchup that definitely went unchanged by the result in the first game. On the one side you have the Pacers, a young, inexperienced team that plays together well and is going to try to get by on hustle and heart. On the other side you have…Derrick Rose. And that’s really just about all. The first game showed us that Chicago isn’t really the top to bottom juggernaut that they were made out to be. Evidently they rely on a lot more Derrick Rose and a lot less on everybody else than we thought. Also evident was that relying on Derrick Rose is a real good idea, because when he’s hot, he’s basically unstoppable. Seriously, he was 10-23 in Game 1 and still had 39 points. Not bad, Mr. Rose. Not bad.

Overall, I see this series as having high potential for a sweep. I really don’t think there’s any chance of Indiana winning the series. Even though Chicago didn’t play great in the first game, they still rallied for a win. They’re still more talented than Indiana, and they have just too much firepower for the Pacers to stop. Indiana may have had their best chance in Game 1, but they couldn’t hold it together down the stretch. Too much Derek Rose, not enough perimeter defense, and nobody who can out-annoy Joakim Noah down low. Chicago sweeps, 4-0.

Miami Heat vs. Philadelphia 76ers
Any guy who’s had a younger sibling knows how this works: you’re older, bigger, stronger, and more skilled, but little bro still thinks he can take you out on the driveway court. Your games always go the same way: little brother sticks around, maybe even leads for a little while. If he’s having a really good day, he might even steal one game from you. But you always wear him down in the end. You’ll use your big brother tricks and strength to put him away when it really matters. It sucks for him, but he just has the disadvantage of being a little brother. Doesn’t mean he’s bad. He was just born second.
The 76ers are the little brother. They’ve got some skills and even some nice pieces. Problem is, Miami has better skills and nicer pieces. Thaddeus Young and Andre Igoudala are gonna be nice players in the league for a long time, but Dwyane Wade and LeBron James are great players right now. Philadelphia might steal one game, but in the end Miami takes the series 4-1.


Boston Celtics vs. New York Knicks
So the Celtics are old. There’s no two ways about it. Paul Pierce, Ray Allen, and Kevin Garnett are far closer to the end of their careers than to the beginning. For all we know, this might be their last playoff series ever.

But I don’t think so, and here’s why. Pierce, Allen, and Garnett might be old, but New York doesn’t have anybody who can guard them. And I haven’t even mentioned Rajon Rondo yet. Tell me honestly who on the Knicks has a prayer of stopping the alien child?

I won’t disagree that Carmelo Anthony and Amar’e Stoudemire are great offensive players. Let me repeat: great offensive players. They might even take one or two games in this series if they can get hot. But they won’t be able to slow Rajon Rondo and the Big Three enough to make it to round two. Boston strolls to round two courtesy of a 4-1 win over New York.

Orlando Magic vs. Atlanta Hawks
Ah yes, the battle for the southeast. The Magic have the best big man in the league in Dwight Howard, as evidenced by his 46 point, 19 rebound masterpiece in Game 1. One problem: Atlanta won Game 1. Dwight forgot to remind the rest of the Magic the playoffs were starting. Seems like Atlanta had them outgunned at just about every turn. Even Kirk Hinrich (remember him?) had things rolling.
The thing is, the roles could easily be reversed in Game 2. Atlanta has always been a bit of a mystery to me in that they can never put everything together and have a complete series. Even the Bucks took them to seven games last year without Andrew Bogut! (Yes! Bucks reference! They’re not totally irrelevant!) For that reason, I think this series will go to at least six games. It’s all going to depend on who ends up showing up for the Magic. If they can get someone other than Dwight Howard to have anything approaching an effective game, they’ll probably win. I think Orlando wins, but just barely. 4-3.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Quick Hits: Hawks/Magic

Some more things we as a collective class of NBA fans learned after an insanely entertaining day of basketball.

-Atlanta's original gameplan (gameplan? Game plan? Game-plan? Somebody tell me...), limiting Howard by guarding him 1 on 1 with Jason Collins, failed badly. And they still won, on the road. In a best of 7 series, the team that wins the first game wins the series 80% of the time. That should tell you something about how good Atlanta is feeling about their win tonight.

-The one thing about Atlanta's original gameplan in regards to Howard that DID work was that it allowed Al Horford to play power forward, a position in which he is much more effective. No Orlando player matches up effectively with Horford, and he matches up terribly with Howard, who absolutely dominates Horford down low on both ends.

-New York, Los Angeles, and Boston are Dwight Howard's most likely destinations of free agency, according to the NBA blogosphere. The good news for these cities: if you land Howard, you are getting the most dominant defensive force in the NBA, as well as a gigantic body who is coming into his own on offense. His baby hooks shots are excellent, he can hit bank shots from a respectable distance, his offensive rebounding and putbacks allow a crappy supporting cast to fire up crappy shots and not pay the consequences, and he runs the fast break as wisely as any big man I've ever seen. The bad news for NY, LA and Boston? If you don't land Howard, one of your bitter rivals is landing an instant dynasty. You've been warned. (Boston would loooooove you, Dwight. You know you want to play with Rondo. Boooooooston!)

-The Magic in Game 1 looked uncomfortable and out of sync, absolutely PRIMED for a first round exit at the hands of a lower seed. This kind of thing can happen when a mid-season panic trade screws up your entire roster. Every Celtics fan reading this just lost their appetite.

-Some good news for Orlando...Atlanta made a lot of mid range jumpers, a shot that is tough to maintain.   The bad news? Joe Johnson, Kirk Hinrich and Jamaal Crawford are all very good at those shots. And perimeter shooting can take Orlando's best defensive option completely out of the game. So maybe the good news is limited. (Thinking...thinking...) Here's something! Atlanta's home crowd really sucks. So maybe losing homecourt advantage isn't such a big deal. Did that help? Didn't think so. Orlando's in trouble.

-Interesting stat of the night: Dwight Howard set a team record for most points in a half in a playoff game (31) and Jameer Nelson set the same record for a quarter (20).

-Stan Van Gundy may have had my favorite between-quarter interview of all time after the third quarter. It's customary procedure for a coach on a team that is behind to come out and say "well, we need to get more stops out there. It starts on the defensive end. We are going to try to get (insert all-star's name) more established on the offensive end." Van Gundy was absolutely brilliant in his candid-ness...

"We can't stop them at ALL. We can't stop their perimeter guys one on one, we can't stop them in post one on one, and they've played well out of the double teams we've gotten to. We've found no way to stop them at all."

(Then responding to a question about Nelson's great third quarter, clearly meant to lead Van Gundy into a less doleful line of thinking).

"Well, he was more aggressive on his pick and rolls, and we did a good job there. But it didn't matter, (gestures angrily at the scoreboard) we were down 7 at the half, we're down 14 now. If we can't get stops nothing else is going to matter."

(The sideline reporter thanks Stan, who mumbles something inaudible, while turning around in disgust.)

Aaaaand scene! Just...brilliant. There is no one else like him in the league. Doc Rivers is equally candid, but more intelligent and eloquent, so he is rarely left hanging for words like Van Gundy. The unintentional comedy level just isn't there. THERE you go, Orlando. There's your bright spot.

Did I forget anything? Tell me in the comments!

Quick Hits: Mavericks/Trailblazers

A little out of order, because I missed the Hawks/Magic game, I'll be posting that one as soon as I've watched it.

This format worked well, let's do it again! Things we learned from Game 1 of Dallas vs Portland.

-It's funny, I was actually more impressed with Portland in the loss than I was with Dallas in the win. The same was true of Indiana/Chicago today. Strange, strange day of basketball.

-Portland really knows how to control the tempo of the game. 89-81 is just the kind of final score they were hoping to see, just in the wrong direction. Dallas was prevented from running for much of the game, while Portland got into their slow-down offense, which is exactly the kind of offense they want to play. At the end, Portland was forced to run and try to get quick shots as they were pressed for time, and it didn't work, unsurprisingly. But in that 4th quarter, it really seemed like they figured out how to play slow it down basketball against Dallas. Look for more of that going forward.

-LaMarcus Aldridge is the real deal, and (not that it REALLY matters at this point) he should have been an All Star over Kevin Love. His specialty is catching and finishing lob passes, but he can also shoot anywhere from 18 feet and in, he has a nice hook shot, he can make shots on the run, and he can post guys up from the low block. Strong, athletic, and very long, he's like Kevin Garnett 2.0, minus all the crazy screaming and cursing.

-Homecourt advantage really matters. Dallas' crowd was waiting for an excuse to erupt throughout the entire late run that Portland ran off. When Dirk started getting all his superstar calls (another advantage of the homecourt), they blew the roof off, the Mavs grabbed hold of the energy, and a young Portland team crumbled. Dear Miami fans, that is the power of being at home in most stadiums. Take notes and stop sucking. (Actually, what am I saying? The Celtics will probably face Miami next round. Keep it up guys! You are doing great!)

-Jason Kidd came through tonight for the Mavericks, but going forward, Dallas is going to need to find some real offense from other players besides Dirk and Jason Terry. Kidd hit some early threes that the Trailblazers gifted him, and, unfortuantely for Portland, he found a rhythm and kept knocking them down. None of this changes the fact that Kidd is roughly 73 years old and will not be able to keep up this pace throughout the playoffs.

-I can't tell if I'm a huge fan of Mark Cuban or if he irritates me to no end. It's really one or the other, so you'd think it would be an easier decision. On the one hand, I love that he is a huge fan of his team. I love that he takes such an interest in them winning not just from a business standpoint, but also because he knows what it's like to be a fan. On the other hand, his antics sometimes seem very contrived and attention seeking. Mark? You are fun, but it's always about the players. It's always about the game. PLEASE don't forget that.


What did I miss? Tell me in the comments.